It’s been my experience with my son who is on the severe end of the autism spectrum, and other children with special needs, that developing a relationship with a child on the spectrum can be challenging (but worth it!).

The most striking feature of autism is social disconnection. Children with autism appear neither to be interested in nor able to “read” the social world. It is as though they are “blind” to the sometimes complicated, emotionally loaded give-and-take of human interaction. Writing of one of the boys in his study, Leo Kanner (known for his work related to autism) stated:

• “He paid no attention to the persons around him. When taken into a room, he completely disregarded the people and instantly went for objects, preferably those that could be spun. Commands or actions that could not possibly be disregarded were resented as unwelcome intrusions. But he was never angry at the interfering person. He simply pushed away the hand that was in his way or the foot that stepped on one of his blocks…”

The boy in Kanner’s study pushed away interfering body parts without seeming to understand that they were attached to a whole person – a person with his own intentions and desires. They were just objects that happened to be in the way. This is very typical of some children on the autism spectrum.

However, our Special Friends Ministry team is determined to create and maintain relationships with our children on the autism spectrum. Christianity is about entering into relationships with people…ALL people. And in order to be able to do that, it’s important to be familiar with how the Master of developing relationships interacted with people. That’s why we use what I call the C3 model: Comfort, Confirm, Challenge that’s based on Jesus’ interactions with people with disabilities.

The first “C” in the C3 model is “Comfort.” Creating a mutually valued relationship means that we need to help a child (or adult) with autism feel safe and secure with us. We have to be careful that our physical presence does not signal fear or create anxiety for a child with autism. The acceptance of human presence and engagement with others are the cornerstones of relationship. Learning the meaning of human presence, engagement, and unconditional love leads to mutual and potentially reciprocal feelings and interactions that signal respect, worth, and sharing.

Here’s the Special Friends Ministry On-Demand training presentation on how to develop comfort with a child with special needs who is, to some degree, socially disconnected:

I wanted to share a new idea that I’m implementing in order to create opportunities for more people to say “yes” to serving in our Special Friends ministry here at First Baptist Orlando. It’s simple and so far has been effective. And it’s based on the idea that there are many members in our church that would consider it a very large step to go from sitting in the sanctuary to being a “Friend,” “Buddy,” “shadow,” or whatever you prefer to call the one-on-one adult who stays close to a child with special needs throughout the Sunday School timeframe.

So, I’ve decided to create a series of smaller steps that someone could take to make the journey from sitting in the sanctuary to becoming a Friend or Buddy (the terms we use here at FBO). For some of you this idea is not new. Perhaps you’ve been doing it for a while. However, as I talk with other people who are involved in special needs ministry I’m discovering that the ideas/strategies/concepts that I assume everyone else know (to include me) isn’t always the case. Thus the reason I’m sharing my not-so-new-to some-of-you idea for recruiting more volunteers into a special needs ministry.

The first step in creating smaller steps to serving in our Special Friends ministry was to grab a pad of paper, a pencil, and begin to develop a vision of all the ways people COULD serve in our ministry. The first two that I wrote down and then crossed out were: Friend and Buddy. Why? Because I needed to force myself to think outside of the box in creating ministry opportunities that did not already exist.

The second step in creating smaller steps to serving was to write down every potential idea that came to mind. In our Special Friends ministry we are involved in providing transportation, fixing meals, visitation, writing letters of encouragement, blogging, generating curriculum, creating serving opportunities for our teen/adult Life Groups, to name a few. I started writing down all of the smaller serving opportunities that existed within our ministry that had nothing to do with one-on-one volunteering.

The third step in creating smaller steps to serving was to start creating job descriptions for all of these possible serving opportunities. The job descriptions detailed the qualifications, responsibilities, frequency of serving, the duration of the commitment, location, serving time, etc. I wrote down everything I could think of that someone might ask and tried to answer it in advance.

The fourth step in creating smaller steps to serving was to get the word out about these new opportunities. Bulletin announcement, take-one’s, eblasts, Sunday School announcements, posters, our church website, word of mouth, and any other lines of established communication at First Baptist Orlando.

Here’s an example of one new serving opportunity that now exist due to this simple four step process:

Prayer Partner

LifeGroup: Special Friends

Location: Home

Duration: 12 months

Frequency: 1 time per week

Primary Task:

To share in the triumphs and burdens of adults with special needs or parents of children with special needs through the ministry of prayer.

Responsibilities:

 Get in touch with the adult with special needs or parent of a child with special needs through email and/or telephone call.

 Pray for the specific needs shared by the adult with special needs or parents of a child with special needs.

 Work as a team with other members of the Special Friends Ministry.

 Be ready to be blessed!

Qualifications:

 Spiritual Gifts: Prayer, Service, Shepherding.

 Best Personal Traits: Kindhearted, Compassionate, Dependable.

 Background check.

 A heart for those with special needs.

 Teachable. Ready to learn the unique needs of adults with special needs or parents of children with special needs.

 Patient.

 Able to see beyond the disability.

 Display integrity, sensitivity and confidentiality.

I cannot begin to tell you how excited some of our parents and our adults are that they have a prayer warrior from our congregation who has committed to partnering with them in prayer. In the 30-days that Pray Partner has been a new serving opportunity I have 6 new volunteers who are not serving those with special needs.

–Michael Woods

• A child who can read.
• A child who has SOME sight words.
• A child who is echolalic. 
• A nonverbal child who has good visual discrimination skills.

Click here for our podcast on Scripture memory and using the Scripture memory template.

Our theme this month is Faith (“trusting in God and His promises for me”) and here is the link to the Scripture Memory verse that we’re using in our classroom this month:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/119476490/Scripture-Memory-Verse-Faith

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Michael Woods

“The impact of Jill’s sickness has been devastating for us,” says Solomon.  “There was physical and mental exhaustion…then there was the grief—the grief of watching our dreams and plans for our little girl vanish…All of our dreams for our own life would never be fulfilled either.  Brenda and I will be serving Jill for the rest of our lives.  But instead of considering it a burden, we consider it a privilege.”

The Solomon’s are an example of a family who has found God’s grace along the road of brokenness.

Having a child with special needs impacts a family not just at one stage of family life, but all stages.  The following is a brief example of how disability can impact the 5 stages of the Family Life Cycle:

Initial Diagnosis.  Families are entering a new world, coping with grief stages, informing family and friends, seeking state and county services, and making ongoing medical decisions.

Childhood and Siblings.  Families are adjusting expectations, helping siblings deal with stress, stretching their budgets, managing special education and various therapies.  As the child with special needs grows into childhood and enters elementary school, family members share a greater wealth of experiences. It is during these years that parents, and to a lesser extent, other family members, develop a vision for the child’s future. The intellectual and emotional energy required to form this vision can be quite draining to the family.

Transition To Adulthood.  Families are assessing levels of independence, seeking vocational and/or residential options and planning transitions.  The teen years are difficult enough for families of typically developing adolescents. When the teen has a disability, the normal process of establishing an identity and separating from parents can be even more complex. The teen years are generally a time to expand self-determination skills, which include the motivation, knowledge, skills, and responsive content to live life according to the individual’s values, preferences, strengths, and needs.

Adulthood.  Families are managing benefits, changing roles after the loss of parents, re-evaluating required services and facing additional diagnoses with age.  Since individuals receiving special education services can stay in the school system until age 22, many families identify that milestone as the time for transition into adulthood. Under IDEA, planning for the transition at age 22 should begin at 14. While most families do begin the process at that time, the full reality of the situation may not hit home until the individual with disabilities nears the magic age of 22 years. At that time, the family faces a significant number of issues that require complex planning and implementation.

End-Of-Life.  Families are seeking moral and ethical guidance for end-of-life decisions, grieving the potentially long “goodbye” and considering life without their loved ones.

Here’s a great resource for those of you who would like more information on this topic:

Disability And The Family Life Cycle.

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Michael Woods

As we pray to our God and Father about you, we think of your faithful work, your loving deeds, and the enduring hope you have because of our Lord Jesus Christ. ~ 1 Thessalonians 1:3, NLT~

After a year of diligent work by a committee of parents, a psychotherapist, a nationally published author and leaders, our organization SNAPPIN’ MINISTRIES had the great privilege of seeing a dream come to fruition in Fall of 2012. Our Parent Mentor Program began with 3 diligent, committed parents training to become solid mentors to other parents.

Here is how this training has proceeded: Over an approximate 12 week period 2 books have been read, one specifically on Christian mentoring and one on the basics of special need parenting. Brief informational videos have been viewed, and brief white papers all related to Christian mentoring and/or special needs have been surveyed. Each week, this team of trainees have grown together meeting on a Google + “hang-out” (video chat) where we went through chapter questions and discussed the materials. Personal experiences have been richly shared. And new ideas have been gleaned. As these mentor trainees have growth together, prayer for each other and laughter together has been a natural outpouring.

We are thrilled that this first class will be graduated from the training on January 21st and released to meet with their mentorees for a minimum commitment of 6 months. In fact, God has already divinely appointed one of our mentors a mentoree already! The exciting part is that these mentors have a menu of options they can choose from to guide their time with their mentorees. And God’s word is at the core of that menu. We are thrilled at the notion of witnessing the growth in these parents which is so central to our mission as a ministry.

With our first class graduating on January 21st, we are currently recruiting our next class of mentor trainees. We would like to have materials in those trainees’ hands the week of January 20th so we can have our first “hang-out” together the week of January 27th. If parents would like to have a front row seat to watch God recycling everything they have been through for the good of others and to the glory of the Almighty, this is a one-of-a-kind program that they will want to participate in. Those interested in serving as mentors should contact barb@snappin.org at their earliest possible convenience as there is a bit of work to do before being accepted as a trainee.

Those who would like to have a mentor are also welcome to contact us. This is a truly unique opportunity to connect with another parent, excellent resources, ongoing support and a hope that lasts an eternity. What parent wouldn’t love that?

Regardless of your thought on becoming a mentor or mentoree, please join us in celebrating all that God is doing through the faithful work, loving deeds and enduring hope of those already involved. It is amazing to see His transformative compassion for parents of children living with special needs!

Thanks again for all you do!

In Him,

Barb Dittrich

It is easy to think “If I could just get a new car, a bigger house, a better job, or more money, then I’ll be happy.” We tend to view happiness as a commodity attainable by wealth. However, as the old saying goes, “money cannot buy happiness.”

Indeed, no amount of money or things will ever give you lasting joy or contentment; that’s because joy and contentment are not based on circumstances. Therefore, if you’re not content with what you have, you won’t be content with what you want.

Although at first it may seem difficult, it is very possible to be content even during harsh circumstances. Paul said, in Philippians 4:11-12, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

In those two verses, Paul is saying that he could be content—that is, have joy—regardless of his circumstances. Joy should not be dependent on circumstances; it should be present regardless of them.

When Paul said that he could be content “in any and every situation,” he truly meant everything—even the tough times of testing. In 2 Corinthians 11:24-27, he lists some of the tough times that he has endured: “Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked.”

Even in all these things, Paul had “learned to be content.” Clearly, it’s not our circumstances that steal our joy. You, too, can learn “to be content whatever the circumstances.”

Stop thinking that you will have joy after your nonverbal son starts to speak, after you find enough money to supplement your daughter’s PT, after you find a respite provider, after your son quits having daily meltdowns, after your family or friends finally gets a clue about how exhausted and frustrated you are.  Don’t put off joy until after these things go your way.  They may or may not.  Decide to have joy now! For you can have joy whatever the circumstances!

I was reading this morning the words of Dwight Hill on the subject of joy. He wrote,

“Joy is not an emotion we can rev up. Rather it is centered in our choice to obey God. The result? A supernaturally produced emotion which is the fruit of walking in the Spirit: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace …” (Gal. 5:22a) True biblically based joy produces in us a settled confidence in the future,grounded on our trust in God’s purposes and power. We know we possess this joy when our lives are liberated from fear because of our abiding relationship with God who is eternal and unshakeable. Consider: ^“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence” (Psa. 16:11)

I thought to myself that he nailed it. I have joy in the midst of any circumstance because of my confidence and trust in Him and His purposes. I am a father of several boys on the autism spectrum.  Two of them severe.  And I have a choice in how I view my life.  I can view it as a “jail sentence,” or I can walk each day trusting in His purposes and power for my life…and for my boys.

Joy is the result of His presence and His Spirit within us. Joy is the result of my trust in Jesus and His direction for my life. I am confident that He knew that I would have boys diagnosed on the autism spectrum.  He is not surprised but has a sovereign plan for each day of my life…and theirs.  My responsibility is to stay on His pathway and within the circle of His blessing by making right choices. What a joy to know that He is with me in every circumstance and season of life. Whatever I face He is there with me through the process.  In every circumstance He is right there with us.

My prayer for YOU is that you will experience that same joy in your life. Are you trusting the Lord for the details of your life this week?  This day?  This hour?  Regardless of the circumstances you are facing, you can have His joy.

Michael Woods

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I climbed the three steps to the door and teetered there for seconds, trying to open the door, refusing to have to put anything down.  I can be so stubborn at times!  I had the door almost open…when…I lost my grip, stumbled backward, and wound up on the ground, groceries flying everywhere!

That’s what I get for refusing to put anything down!

Amazingly, we all do this.  For me, that day, it was groceries.  For you perhaps it’s been a huge bundle of laundry.

For almost all of us…it’s been our pain.

It’s such a simple thing.  But how many moments can you count where you’ve refused to put down the pain that you’ve been lugging around?  Time and time again we are offered a chance to learn this lesson:

We cannot hold on to a lot of emotional pain and open the door to peace and joy.  

We must put down what we carry, open the door, and then only pick back up what we need to bring inside.  I struggle with this concept.  But I’m getting better at learning what is mine to carry…and what is not.  And I want to share a secret with you what’s helped me because I firmly believe that it will help you too…if you put it into practice.  My secret:  The Serenity Prayer

• “God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change,
• The COURAGE to change the things that I can,
• And the WISDOM to know the difference between the two.”

Take some time today to reflect on some aspect of caregiving that you struggle with.  Quietly and slowly repeat the Serenity Prayer allowing each word to sink in.  Allow God to help you to identify those things that you cannot change…those unproductive thoughts that you need to let go of…those painful feelings that eat away at you like a cancer.

Let go of the things that you cannot change and put them down.  Then, and only then, can you open your heart’s door to the inner peace and joy that await you through Christ our Lord.

Michael Woods

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For this idea you’ll need a buzzer.  One of those really cool “That Was Easy” buzzers from Staples would be perfect!  However, any type of noise-maker will do.

It almost seems like kids come pre-wired to complain!  In our culture children can become very accustomed to having the latest gadgets, eating food they enjoy, and participating in the activities they enjoy.  On the other hand, kids tend to complain when it involves things that aren’t so fun:

• Doing homework.
• Cleaning-up.
• Eating vegetables.
• Running an errand.
• Doing chores.

I’ll bet you could add a couple of more items to this list, couldn’t you?!

The Complaint Button activity can help you to Take The Next Step in teaching your child to identify negative attitudes and develop joyful ones…all with the help of a buzzer.  Every time your child starts to complain, have them go and find the Complaint Buzzer.  Once your son or daughter has thought of one thing to praise God for instead, they get to press the buzzer!

Try to ensure that the joyful thought or praise relates to the reason your child is complaining.  For example, if your son is complaining because he has to do his chores, a related praise might be that he has been provided an opportunity to serve his family by helping out!  Connections like this can be difficult for some kids so be prepared to help your child identify a joyful response.

Michael Woods

As parents of children with special needs, your lives are busy.  You’re prioritizing your children.  You’re  doing everything you can to invest in them relationally and to help them grow developmentally.   Let us partner with you in their spiritual development!

The Friends@FBO app is designed to provide you with one weekly idea that you can implement during your day-to-day routines to help nurture your child’s faith.  So, go to the Apple App Store or Android Market and download the free Friends@FBO app today!  After you download our free app, make sure to leave your “push notification” on so that you will receive alert messages when ideas for connecting with your child are posted!

Click here for the Friends@FBO app at the Apple Store.

Click here for the Friends@FBO app for Android.

But on Saturday morning he awoke to discover that it was raining cats and dogs, and they couldn’t go fishing. So 8-year-old Frank grumbled and griped and complained all morning long.

He kicked the furniture, the dog, the cat. Nothing was right. “Why does it have to rain today?”

His father tried to explain to him that the farmers needed the rain. But that didn’t satisfy Frank.

“Why does it have to rain today?” he said.

About noon the clouds broke and the sun came out.

His dad said, “Well, we can’t go fishing all day, but at least we can fish this afternoon. Let’s go.”

So they jumped into the truck, went to the lake and fished all afternoon, and caught more fish than they had ever caught before. The baskets were full, and they had the time of their lives.

They came home, and mom cooked some of the fish for supper. As they were sitting down to eat, Frank’s dad looked at him and asked,

“Would you ask the blessing?”

Eight-year-old Frank prayed this prayer:

“God, if I sounded a little grumpy earlier today, it was because I couldn’t see far enough ahead.”

And that’s the problem, isn’t it?  Sometimes we’re so caught up in the difficult circumstances we’re going through, the difficult people we’re dealing with, and all the things that surround us as parents of children with special needs that we just can’t see far enough ahead. But when we take time to look at what we have in Christ our Savior, we can begin to focus more and more on the positive and His wonderful promises.

It is certain that our circumstances are not the things that make us joyful.  As a father to several boys on the autism spectrum I can attest to this.  For many people, they can be happy for a while as long as circumstances are good, but they’re not going to always stay good.

And if we’re waiting for things to get just right so that we can be happy, then we’ll never experience joy. But when Christ becomes our central focus — our reason for existence – then and only then can we begin to understand the meaning of true joy.  May each of us strive to say with Paul, “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice” (Phil. 4:4).

Michael Woods

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