Churches And The Disabled

In Central Florida we’re encouraging people of faith not only to reimagine the body of Christ as including people with disabilities, but also to understand that people with disabilities are central to the church’s mission.  PBS released a segment in the news show Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly centered on Mark Pinsky’s book Amazing Gifts.  Many of our Central Florida pillars of faith were highlighted in this short segment.

You can watch it here:

http://video.pbs.org/video/2233279442

Click “like” on our Special Friends Ministry facebook page to receive notification of our next post!

Amazing Gifts

Amazing Gifts: Stories of Faith, Disability, and Inclusion is a new publication by noted religion writer Mark I. Pinsky. Pinsky has gathered stories from churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples across the country, “stories of people with disabilities and the congregations where they have found welcome.” He has taken special care to include the widest range of disabilities, including non-apparent disabilities like lupus, chronic pain, traumatic brain injury, depression, and mental illness. There were 54 million American with disabilities as of 2000, and that number is now being swelled by wounded warriors from the Afghan and Iraq wars and an aging population.

The author emphasizes that his purpose is to not to write a resource manual on accessibility and inclusion. Rather, Pinsky seeks to share stories of how people with disabilities have experienced their faith in the context of their disability, and how congregations have gained when they value the gifts that people with disabilities bring along. “This book,” notes the author, “is for congregational leaders and others who may have no expertise or personal experience with disability, but who make the congregational decisions about accessibility and inclusion.”

What about congregations? What about your congregation?

This book provides more than 60 short stories of how a variety of congregations have learned to be hospitable and inclusive to people who have various challenges.

You will read how Lucas McCarty, born with cerebral palsy, has found a faith home at Trinity House of Prayer. You will see how Fallbrook United Methodist Church learned the hard way to serve communion to spinal muscular atrophy sufferer Jo D’Archangelis. Pinsky describes how Temple Beth Or in Raleigh, North Carolina celebrated Hannah Ruth Greenblatt Eppinette’s bat mitzvah.  The synagogue didn’t let her severe mental disabilities keep her from this important rite of passage.

From the author: “As I hope the stories told in these pages [demonstrate], the “amazing gifts” of the book’s title embody a duality.  People with disabilities are embraced by faith communities, and congregations are enriched at least as much by the inclusion.”

This book is a resource for congregations of all kinds that have real life, specific challenges with inclusion and hospitality regarding people with disabilities.  The book is a sturdy companion to a team working on welcoming or an adult education class wanting to reflect on faith in action.

Our bodies don’t always function as they should, or at least as we wish they would. Brains misfire. Limbs miss signals or just plain go missing. Wheelchairs, canes, hearing aids, oxygen tanks, cognitive challenges, developmental disabilities, enter our lives – and our sanctuaries.  They always enter our lives as part of the daily life of people who are lovely, who have an abundance of love to share, and most certainly deserve love in the presence of God.   Of course, such situations and people present challenges. It can’t be any other way.  Yet, such situations and people are opportunities for reconciling encounters, like so many described in Mark Pinsky’s book Amazing Gift.

I highly recommend this resource to you.

Make sure to click “like” on our Special Friends Ministry facebook page to receive future posts!

Social Reciprocity: A Positive Method For Reducing Challenging Behaviors

A father emailed me, “I get so mad at my boy that I sometimes become spiteful: I tell him I’m going to put him up for adoption if he doesn’t behave.  It makes him cry.  I know he can’t help his behaviors at times because of his autism and I don’t know why I say what I say.  Can you help me find a better way to prevent this from happening again?”

If I’m being honest with you then I’d have to admit that I know what it feels like to be so angry that you say something that you later regret.  My home used to feel like a battleground!  You know as well as I do that if you’re not careful it’s easy to let negative emotions get the best of you.  As seen in the example above, negative emotions tend to produce negative behaviors that are usually designed to punish someone as a means to decrease unwanted behaviors.  Punishment, unfortunately does not nurture or strengthen relationships!  It’s my belief that managing challenging behaviors can be accomplished in a way that not only minimizes unwanted behaviors but also strengthens relationships in the process!

Our goal as parents of children who “act out” is to bring a nurturing spirit into the parent-child relationship…one that is characterized by genuine warmth, mutual respect, and unconditional worth.  In order to facilitate these relational characteristics it is essential to maximize the use of Positive Support Strategies rather than punishment.

The law of positive social reciprocity is a time-tested, research-based relational principle that has been used in the fields of crisis management and marital therapy to strengthen relationships and reduce destructive conflict.  There is too much research to support the effectiveness of this principle to ignore!

I have successfully used this principle to de-escalate crisis behaviors with my own boys who are on the moderate-severe end of the autism spectrum, students with developmental disabilities that I have worked with, and adult-aged clients in residential settings.  If you are seriously interested in effective and positive methods to reduce crisis behaviors then it’s essential that you understand and apply the concept of social reciprocity!

Why use more intrusive or aversive methods of behavior management when there is a better way at your disposal?  Like me, I’m certain that you want to provide the best quality of life that you can for the one that you love.  If you are interested in developing and/or maintaining a positive relationship with your care-receiver then it’s important to refrain from using negative behavior management strategies such as punishment or restraint.

4 advantages of applying positive social reciprocity are:

  1. positive social reciprocity can be used effectively with children with special needs.
  2. positive social reciprocity can be used during each phase of the Relational Crisis Prevention Road Map.
  3. positive social reciprocity strengthens relationships.
  4. positive social reciprocity is a fairly easy Positive Support Strategy to implement.

Put the concept of positive social reciprocity to the test!  Take a few minutes to listen to the podcast.  You have nothing to lose.  You can listen to the podcast here.

Oh, and don’t forget to click “like” on our Special Friends Ministry facebook page to be notified when the next post is published!  Michael Woods M.A. BCaBA CPI

Becoming An Intentional Parent

It happened years ago but I still remember it today with crystal clarity.  We were at the pool enjoying a warm summer day.  Jacob, who is my son on the moderate end of the autism spectrum, was joyfully walking around the edge of the pool holding a small plastic ball in his hands.  I turned to grab some sun tan lotion.  It was only for a couple of seconds that I had my back to the pool.  Only seconds.  And I heard it:

Splash.

It only took me three strides to reach the pool, dive in, and snag Jacob by his shirt, pulling him from the water.  Apparently Jacob had accidentally dropped his ball in the water, reached for it, and as a result fell into the water.  Jacob would have drowned in a matter of minutes because he did not know how to swim.

That day I decided to become intentional about making sure he knew how to swim.  His life might depend on it.

Swimming lessons became important to Jacob  in order to help him gradually become more and more safe in the water.  It took some effort to find someone who taught kids with special needs.  And yes, it was a hassle for us to have to take the time to drive him to the lessons.  In addition, it was a financial sacrifice for us due to the cost of the lessons.

But the result was worth it:  he learned how to swim!  

And so it is with the development of faith with our children.  Without teaching them the foundations of our faith, we’re leaving it up to them to figure how “swim” through life.  As parents of children with special needs we cannot toss our kids into the deep end of the pool of life and expect them to know how to swim.  We cannot count on the them knowing how to paddle to the side safely when the waters of life become turbulent.

Conclusion: I need to become just as intentional about my son’s faith.

If I’m going to be totally honest and open with you then I have to admit that I’ve done a poor job at being intentional at developing Jacob’s faith.  I could give you some excuses:  life feels overwhelming at times, parenting a child with special needs is tiring, perhaps because of his intellectual disabilities he may not be able to understand everything about what it means to have a relationship with Jesus.  But that’s all they are:  excuses.

I elimated any and all excuses to ensure that my son learned how to swim because I was concerned for his physical well being.  Shouldn’t I be just as intentional about eliminating any and all excuses when it comes to his spiritual well being?  The answer, of course, is “yes.”

I love the reminder that Michelle Anthony shares from her book, Spiritual Parenting:

“Parents are, by the power of God’s Spirit, to depend on God in order to create home environments that God can use to beckon our kids to Him.  Isn’t it time to embrace this simple but revolutionary concept?” 

During April I blogged about an “Aha” moment that I’ve recently had.  It’s about the relationship between parenting kids with special needs and faith.  Simply said, I’ve decided to start talkin’ the talk!  In June, I intend to start blogging about my faith at home journey.  Stated another way:

I’m going to start walkin’ the walk.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey of discovering how to be a more intentional parent.  I’ll need all the support I can get! In addition, I’ll be providing some ideas and resources specifically for special needs children along the way!

If you’re interested in joining me, then either subscribe to this blog or click “like” on our Special Friends Ministry facebook page so that you can be notified when new posts are published.  Michael Woods

You Don’t Always Have To Do Something For Your Child

When was the last time that you were able to slow down, relax, and simply enjoy your relationship with your child?  It’s no secret that many parents of  children with special needs sometimes feel like they’re living a 36-hour day!  Toileting, bathing, grooming, dressing, daily routines, the list of things that caregivers have to help do for the ones they love can feel endless.   If you’re not careful you’ll spend your entire day “doing for” your child with special needs and never spend a moment simply enjoying “being with” them.   I should know because it’s happened to me…

Nowadays, however, I’m learning how to define my caregiving relationship more as “being with” my children rather than only about “doing for” them.   That’s an important concept.  As many of you know, I’m the father of triplet middle-school aged boys, each one on the autism spectrum.  Autism is a diagnosis whose defining feature is a lack of a desire to be social and it is the social deficits associated with autism that distinguish it from other developmental disorders.

Two of my boys, Joshua and Jacob, are on the severe end of the autism spectrum.  To put it bluntly, they have almost no desire to interact socially.  There are days in which they have not approached me one single time…not once…to say “hello!” or “Dad you want play Xbox with me?”

It is because of their lack of social desire that I have learned from them what it means to truly live in relationship with someone.  I find it interesting that I’ve learned the most about relationships and unconditional love from boys who rarely manifest a desire for either one of these concepts.  But they have been my teachers and here’s what I’ve learned:  to be in relationship with someone means being with someone and discovering along the way that you belong together regardless of your real or perceived differences.   Furthermore:

Being in relationship with someone means accepting them just as they are, with all of their limits, but also with their gifts and their beauty. 

“Being with” is the expression for that act of being in relationship with someone because one has chosen to be in relationship with that person.  I have chosen to be in relationship with my boys regardless of how their disability affects them.  You may be thinking to yourself, “Well, duh!” but I know plenty of parents who have not stepped up to the plate to take the time to get close to their child who has a disability!

It is NOT a given that just because you are a parent of a child on the spectrum that you are going to choose to put in the time and effort to develop a relationship with your child.  Some of my caregiver friends who have a parent with dementia/Alzheimers have shared the same thoughts about this with me because this diagnosis can also have a profound effect on relationships.

To reveal to someone their inner beauty is to reveal to them their inner worth by giving them your time, attention, and tenderness.  Is this not one of the ways that Christ shows His love for us?  To love someone is not just to do something for them but to reveal to them their own uniqueness, to tell them that they are special and worthy of attention.  You can express this revelation through your open and gentle presence, in the way that you look at and listen to a person, the way that you speak to and care for someone.

Children who have special needs are valuable human beings with as much dignity and worth as anyone else. Like anyone else, they need to know that they are wanted, loved, seen with dignity, and respected. They are an important part of our world, our lives, and they deserve to know that they matter and that they are needed.  Being with them, for no other purpose than simply being,  is one way of relating to them that reminds them of their worth.

Many of you already do this.  But for those of you, who like me, sometimes get caught up in all of the things “to do” for your care-receiver let me encourage you to start making some time to just enjoy being with the person you care for.  No agenda.  No “to do” list.  Just sitting with him or her, gently holding hands, and enjoying each other’s silent presence…

Click “like” on our Special Friends Ministry facebook page to be notified when the next article is published!  Michael Woods

One Secret To Peace And Joy

My wife had just returned from the grocery store with $300 of food items stuffed in easy-to-carry plastic bags piled in the minivan.  She did the shopping, my job was to carry them in.  Determined to make as few trips as possible from the minivan to the kitchen, I grabbed as many plastic bags as I could with each hand…and then some!

I climbed the three steps to the door and teetered there for seconds, trying to open the door, refusing to have to put anything down.  I can be so stubborn at times!  I had the door almost open…when…I lost my grip, stumbled backward, and wound up on the ground, groceries flying everywhere!

That’s what I get for refusing to put anything down!  Amazingly, we all do this.  For me, that day, it was groceries.  For you perhaps it’s been a huge bundle of laundry.  For almost all of us…it’s been our pain.

It’s such a simple thing.  But how many moments can you count where you’ve refused to put down the pain that you’ve been lugging around?  Time and time again we are offered a chance to learn this lesson:

We cannot hold on to a lot of emotional pain and open the door to peace and joy.  

We must put down what we carry, open the door, and then only pick back up what we need to bring inside.  I struggle with this concept.  But I’m getting better at learning what is mine to carry…and what is not.  And I want to share a secret with you what’s helped me because I firmly believe that it will help you too…if you put it into practice.  My secret:  The Serenity Prayer

  • “God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change,
  • The COURAGE to change the things that I can,
  • And the WISDOM to know the difference.”

Take some time today to reflect on some aspect of caregiving that you struggle with.  Quietly and slowly repeat the Serenity Prayer allowing each word to sink in.  Allow Him to help you to identify those things that you cannot change…those unproductive thoughts that you need to let go of…those painful feelings that eat away at you like a cancer.  Let go of the things that you cannot change and put them down.  Then, and only then, can you open your heart’s door to the inner peace and joy that await you.

If you’d like to be notified when the next post is published then subscribe to this blog or click “like” on our Special Friends Ministry facebook page!

Confessions Of An Average Parent

“A chip off the old block.” “Flip side of the same coin.” “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” “Like father, like son.” “She lives up to the family name.”  As common as these quotes are, one thing is for certain whether we parent good or whether we parent badly, we are parenting, and our children are like video cameras with legs. Like it or not, they´re always on the record mode.

I like the insight that Michelle Anthony shares in her book, Spiritual Parenting:

  • “There are times when we don’t even realize the things we are passing down to our children just because they live among us and learn from us in every one of life’s situations” (pg. 202).

In a previous blog post I shared the latest national research conducted by the Search Institute.  561 congregations across 6 different denominations responded to a survey titled, “The Most Significant Religious Influences.”  The research was designed to determine what factors and which people most influenced teenagers in their faith.  The results:

Parents were the people who most influenced faith in their teens.

That’s the good news!  The bad news according to the research was how little time the average parent spends talking with their son or daughter about faith:

  • Only 5% of fathers have a regular dialogue with their child on faith/life issues.
  • Only 12% of mothers have a regular dialogue with their child on faith/life issues.

I wish that I could tell you that my wife and I are “above average.”  I wish that I could share that as parents of children with special needs that we excel at creating time in our daily schedule to teach our boys the tenets of our faith.  The truth of the matter:  we’re average parents.  As much as we love our boys we are not doing any better than the other 5% dads or 12% moms out there.

I don’t want “average” for my kids, special needs or not, and I’m sure you don’t want “average” for your kids either.

So what’s the first step in turning this around?  I think the answer is found in Deuteronomy 6:

  • “Impress them [the commands of the Bible] on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (v. 7). 

This idea behind this passage is that parents are to teach God’s commands to our children daily.  We’re to talk about them when we sit at home, when we’re on the road, at bedtime, and when we get up in the morning.  In other words, we are to spend time teaching our children about faith-related matters during the daily routines of the things that happen in our homes!

Here’s a short video by Ed Stetzer about this passage:

I hope you’ll join me on this journey of discovering how to be a more intentional parent.  I’ll need all the support I can get! In addition, I’ll be providing some ideas and resources specifically for special needs children along the way!  If you’re interested in joining me, then either subscribe to this blog or click “like” on our Special Friends Ministry facebook page so that you can be notified when new posts are published.  Michael Woods

3 Relational Strategies for Decreasing Problem Behaviors

“The next thing I knew, he was trying to kick and bite me.”  It happened so suddenly and without notice that it caught Mary totally offguard.  “I didn’t know exactly what to do but I knew that I needed to keep everyone safe,” she added.  “It felt like the longest 15-minutes I’ve ever experienced in special needs ministry!”

It’s not uncommon for scenarios like this to play themselves out on any given Sunday in faith communities who provide a special needs ministry.  Sometimes children with special needs will display very challenging behaviors.  The moments during those behaviors could be described as “stressful” and “tense” for everyone involved.  If you are a special needs ministry volunteer or a parent to a acting-out child with special needs then I suspect that you could add a few more words to this list.

The problem with most approaches to minimizing challenging behaviors in special needs ministry is that the recommended solutions are often isolated strategies that only seek to “manage” behaviors.  Some examples of isolated strategies that are commonly used are token systems, time-out chair/area, positive reinforcement, loss of privileges, or a safe spot, to name a few.  The intent for many of these strategies is focused on producing:

  • Compliance
  • Control
  • Obedience

As a nationally certified senior-level Crisis Prevention Instructor, it’s been my observation that rarely is any attention given to how these isolated strategies fit into a larger systematic, structured process for positively supporting kids with challenging behaviors.  In addition, rarely is any attention given to the relational strategies that can constructively de-escalate crisis behaviors.  Three examples of relational strategies are:

  • Paraverbal communiation
  • Social exchange theory
  • Kinesics

When used properly, these relational strategies help to establish safe boundaries, strengthen relationships, and create a climate of peace.  I’d like share with you how an understanding of some of these relational strategies, embedded within a structured process, can help you to de-escalate challenging behaviors without sacrificing relationships.  If you’re interested in learning some effective relational strategies for minimizing crisis behaviors and reducing the potential for physically acting-out then here’s one of our Special Friends Ministry on-demand training videos:

Make sure that you subscribe to our blog or click “like” on our Facebook page to be notified when the next training video is posted!

Visual Schedules: A Positive Support Strategy For Kids

Children with autism frequently have trouble paying attention to, adapting to, and understanding auditory input. They also tend to have strengths in rote memory and the ability to understand visual information. Visual schedules are a Positive Support Strategy that takes advantage of these strengths by efficiently communicating information in a way that allows children to better predict and plan within the special needs ministry classroom!

What is a Visual Schedule?

A visual schedule is a set of pictures that communicates a series of activities or the steps of a specific activity. Visual schedules are meant to help children with special needs understand and manage the daily events in their lives. Visual schedules may be created using photographs, pictures, written words, or physical objects. Ideally, they communicate clear expectations for the child and decrease the need for constant adult involvement in the activity. Most visual schedules are introduced with adult guidance that gradually decreases with time. They can be used at church, at school, and at home.

What’s it like?

Schedules may be placed into notebooks or on a schedule board, or also presented with the aid of or on computers.

When designing a visual schedule, consider the following questions:

  • Will the child understand or recognize the pictures or words?
  • Is the activity represented by the visual schedule obvious to the child?
  • Can the schedule be made clearer by the use of words, more images, or objects?
  • Does the child know and have available the tools required to successfully complete the activity?

 Does it work?

Many educational studies have demonstrated that visual schedules are effective in helping developmentally disabled, and specifically, children with autism and ADHD.  These studies show visual schedules to be effective in helping children to gain independence and increase on-task behavior at church, school, home, and in community settings. In younger children, this can translate into improved play skills, and a decrease in disruptive and aggressive behavior. Specifically, use of visual schedules has been associated with a decrease in disruptive behavior, aggression, tantrums, and property destruction.

In older children, use of visual schedules can enhance learning and improve a child’s ability to perform the skills required for daily living. Visual schedules have also been effectively used to improve physical activity in a physical education setting. With time, some children are able to independently use visual schedules to achieve on-task behavior and self-management without supervision.

The most effective way to use visual schedules is to have them readily available and used consistently. Most children seem to enjoy the use of schedules and appear to be excited to see what will be coming next. This enthusiasm has been shown to translate into increased peer to peer interactions.

Watch and Learn!

Here’s a short but informative tutorial on Visual Schedules:

Elevate Community: Everything Walks The Talk

One of our core values at First Baptist Orlando is authentic biblical community and our special needs ministry doesn’t just want to Elevate Community well…we want to do it with excellence!  Why? Because as Reggie Joiner put it:

  • “One of the greatest gifts the church can give its families is a consistent network of leaders and friends who are there to help them win” (pg. 186).

Besides Think Orange, another book that our ministry is using to discuss our initial steps to Elevate Community is: Inside The Magic Kingdom by Tom Connellan.  This book really has me psyched because it’s about the principles that drive the culture and phenomenal success of Disney in the area of customer relationships.  Living in Orlando, it’s been easy to spend some time at all of the Disney theme parks.  Every time I’m there, I am always impressed with Disney’s quality, excellence, customer service and overall culture.

The four key principles from Inside The Magic Kingdom that our ministry will focus on in the process of our initial steps towards Elevating Community, and the ones that I’ll blog about, are:

These four key principles can be applied to special needs ministry and provide powerful strategies that will help special needs staff and team members become more focused on building relationships that in turn will elevate community.

Everything Walks The Talk

Connellan points out that Disney firmly believes that every thing at Disney communicates something to the guest.  It’s a concept they call “Everything Walks The Talk.”  Disney believes that every “thing”  should be congruent with the Disney philosophy because it can positively influence a guest’s experience.  From the way employees are dressed, to the cleanliness of the park, to the type of music that is played throughout the Magic Kingdom.  All of these things enhance the guest’s experience.  Connellan says,

“Everything walking the talk does effect the guest’s experience, but in ways he or she is frequently not aware of.  Employees are taught the value of this concept, but to the guest, it’s invisible.”

So if every “thing” communicates something then the question is, “What does it communicate?”  And does it communicate what you want it to?  I think this concept has some great application as we strive to Elevate Community in our special needs ministry.  If we want to connect our kids with special needs to a caring team member then perhaps we need to take a closer look at the ‘things” in our special needs classroom.

What are the things that we have in our special needs classroom that communicates the idea of building relationships and connecting adults to kids?  If our philosophy is to Elevate Community, what “things” am I giving my volunteers to be able to do this? 

Example, in my home I use a puzzle as a diversion for my son.  When I need to be able to focus my attention on something else other than my son with autism, I give him a puzzle.  As he sits down to complete the puzzle that buys me time to walk away and take care of paying bills, wash the car, fix a cabinet, or one of a dozen other things that need to be accomplished.

However, in our special needs classroom a puzzle can be the “thing” that allows a volunteer to sit down with a child and build a relationship.  Puzzles are a great “thing” that two people can do together and in the process develop a bond.

I believe that it’s important to show our volunteers that the “things” that we put in their hands in the classroom are things that can be used to connect with our kiddos.  The “things” that we make available in the classroom are the types of things that are congruent with building relationships and strengthening connections.

I didn’t put the two Thomas the Train Wooden  Railway Tables in our room so that our kids could spend time alone at the table playing trains.  They are there so that our volunteers can sit down with a child, interact with them, and have fun together!  The Thomas the Train Wooden Railway Table is some”thing” that can be used to build and strengthen relationships because it provides an opportunity for an adult volunteer and a child with special needs to do something together.

The Play-Doh Animal Duffel Bag Kit isn’t just there in our room for the kids to play with alone.  It’s for the adults to play with too!  Both adult and child can physically and/or verbally interact together with the Play-Doh Animal Duffel Bag Kit.  They can use the 11 tools to make a giraffe, a monkey, a dolphin or other animal shapes in green, purple, orange or yellow – or a combination of all four!

Other examples of “things” in your room that support Everything Walks The Talk would be note cards.  By making note cards available for your volunteers you are enabling them to write a few lines of encouragement to a child, stick the note in an envelope, and mail it so that the child receives it later in the week.  Note cards are a great way Elevate Community but your volunteers need to know why these “things” are in the room.

If your desire is to Elevate Community then I would encourage you to assess your classroom environment from the perspective of: Everything Walks The Talk.  You may be discover that there are some “things” in your room that support developing relationships and some “things” in your room that do not!

Everything Walks The Talk.  This is an important concept to remember and use proactively when you are striving to Elevate Community in your ministry.

If you’d like to follow the rest of this blog series then “subscribe” to our blog or click “like” on our Special Friends Ministry facebook page.