February 22, 2012

Faith Development With Children With Special Needs Podcast

I hope you enjoyed the blog and the video presentation on Faith Development For Children With Special Needs: Three to Seven Years Old.

For a more in-depth discussion on faith development and some tips and strategies for kids or adults who are developmentally between the ages of three to seven years old you can listen to the podcast here:

Podcast: Faith Development Special Needs: Three to Seven Years Old

Remember to subscribe to this blog or click “like” on our Special Friends Ministry page in order to be notified when the next video presentation/podcast is published.

Posted by on February 22, 2012 in Faith At Home, Resources and tagged , , , , , , .

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February 20, 2012

Faith Development For Children With Special Needs

Luke’s simple statement, “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52, NIV) sums up Jesus’ development through the ages and stages of childhood. Even more important, the statement clearly recognizes four basic areas of development:

  • Wisdom= Intelligence
  • Stature = Physical
  • Favor with God = Spiritual
  • Favor with man = Social

It is essential that developing faith be as intentional as are a child’s cognitive, social, emotional, and physical development. Just as these other areas of the child’s growth develop in stages, so does his or her faith!

Who’s responsible for faith development?

I know that as a parent I am the one who is primarily responsible for modeling and teaching my boys about the awe-inspiring wonder of who God is, how to have a relationship with Him, and what it looks like to live out our lives for Him and through Him:

  • My people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth.  I will open my mouth with a parable; I will utter hidden things, things from of old—things we have heard and known, things our ancestors have told us.
  • We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.
  • He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children,
  • So the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.
  • Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands (Psalm 78: 1-7).

The challenge (not excuse!) however as a father to 3 boys who are on the autism spectrum, is that I’ve struggled with the development of faith with my two boys who are on the moderate and severe end of that spectrum.

I can google “faith development” and come up with hundreds of articles about the faith development of “neurotypical” children.  But what about children with intellectual disabilities?  As it turn out there is hardly anything written on the development of faith for the child with an intellectual disability.  That didn’t catch me by surprise because so often our children with special needs are not included in much of the typical research that goes on for children.  So, I decided to do a little bit of research and learning myself.

If I believe that the Holy Spirit is God’s chosen teacher in our children’s hearts and that His in the one who causes spiritual growth when and as He chooses, then my part in this is to learn how to individualize the way I share God’s truths.  And I need to do that in a way that accounts for my son’s intellectual disability. 

What I’ve discovered over the last several months is that in many church-based early childhood programs, the philosophy in the area of faith development is often based on the work of James W. Fowler. His studies and writing clearly shows that faith is developmental.  So, based on an understanding of Fowler’s work and a knowledge of child development, I set out to discover how to be more equipped to respond to my children with autism in the area of faith and broaden their understanding of God’s love for them.

What I discovered has helped me as a parent to be able to understand “what?” my boys are able to learn about God and “how?” they are best able to learn His amazing truths!  Does that make me an expert?  No!  I’m simply a parent who struggles with knowing how to create the spiritual spaces that allows God’s Spirit to transform my boys’ into His likeness.  It’s the same journey that thousands of parents who have children with special needs travel EVERY day.

The results of what I’m learning will be a series of on-line training presentations that will attempt to merge Fowler’s work with child development theory in order to help parents find a more productive and efficient way to create an environment in which their child can learn that God has a place for them in the big story that He is writing!

Make sure that you either subscribe to this blog or click “like” on the Special Friends Ministry facebook page to be notified as each on-line training presentation is published!  Here’s the first:

Posted by on February 20, 2012 in Faith At Home and tagged , , , , , .

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January 28, 2012

“Disability is part of the human condition, almost every one of us will be permanently or temporarily disabled at some point in life.  We must do more to break the barriers which segregate people with disabilities, in many cases forcing them to the margins of society.” — Margaret Chan

Posted by on January 28, 2012 in Uncategorized and tagged .

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January 24, 2012

Positively Impacting The Disability Community In Orlando

One of our core values at First Baptist Orlando is that we believe that EVERY person has infinite worth.   It’s not what we can or can’t do that determines our value and worth as human beings…our value and worth stems from the fact that God created us in His image and loves each one of us.

For that reason our Special Friends Ministry here at First Baptist Orlando seeks to positively impact our local community by being a place of welcome, acceptance, and inclusion for children and adults with special needs and share the love of Christ with them.

There are several ways that we seek to do that:

  •  Special Friends Children Life Groups:  our goal is to create a classroom that is structured and to provide a valued time of learning about Jesus through teaching and a variety of activities such as bible story time and creativity and craft time!
  • Special Friends Adult Life Groups: Our purpose in our adult Life Group is to provide a valued time of learning God’s Word, building genuine friendships,  and to help each adult fulfill the role that God has planned for them.
  • Buddy Break:  The weight and stress of finding proper doctors, teachers, and financial resources for a VIP child’s care can be overwhelming.  Buddy Break is a FREE respite program designed to give caregivers of kids with special needs a break from their ongoing care-giving responsibilities for three hours one Saturday morning a month.
  • On-Demand Training:  our free online video training series is designed to provide parents, teachers, and volunteers with the latest research-based strategies on specific topics related to special needs.
  • Friends@Home:  Friends@Home is one of our new ministries for 2012 where we seek to create faith-centered friendships and develop a sense of connection with our special friends adults during the weekday through phone calls and personal visits.
  • Parent Life Group:  our goal of our soon-to-be-formed parent Life Group is to connect parents of children with special needs with each other, develop life-long friendships, dig into God’s Word as see how it applies to our life’s journey, and to encourage one another.

If you have any questions or comments about the Special Friends Ministry at First Baptist Orlando please feel free to call or email.

Posted by on January 24, 2012 in Belonging and tagged , , , , , .

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January 20, 2012

Decreasing Behaviors By Increasing Space

Question:  “When my autistic son is angry I want to comfort him and quiet him down by giving him a hug or simply putting my arms around him.  When I attempt to do this he pushes me away.  On the other hand, if I walk away he follows me around the house either whining or sometimes screaming!  If I try to comfort him again he pushes me away again and this just keeps going back and forth.   He’s never had sensory issues with being touched so why is this happening?”

Answer: Keep in mind that when a child is in the second phase of the crisis escalation route (Refusal Phase), as exhibited by your son, that an understanding of interpersonal space is essential.  I’ll define interpersonal space as:

“the physical distance between two people.”

Research in the area of crisis prevention/management reveals that when we are in crisis mode, we tend to want people to stay a further physical distance away from us when we are angry or upset with them.  Why?

Because when we are angry with the person we are in crisis with we need time to process our feelings before desiring physical closeness or contact with them.  Your son is having a push/pull response. He doesn’t want you to be too physically close to him because he’s upset with you…yet at the same time…he wants to work it out with you and seeks to be physically near you which is why he follows you around.

Family members are typically okay with another family member being as physically close as 18 inches…or closer.  That distance is called “intimate space” and is usually reserved for loved ones.  During crisis however, the physical distance typically increases an additional 1.5 to 3.0 feet!  People tend to want more “space” when they are angry.

You have to honor his desire for physical space.   Remain just slightly out of arms reach from him.  Continue to interact with him in the way that you normally do when he’s upset but simply do it at a slightly further physical distance.  You son will eventually reach the Calm Down phase that I’ve previously discussed.  When that happens, he will be more receptive to physical touch.  In the meantime, allow him to be the one who approaches you first for physical contact.

Interpersonal space is a Positive Support Strategy.  It is one of 20+ Positive Support Strategies that can be used to prevent or de-escalate crisis behaviors.  To be notified about posts related to Positive Support Strategies click “Like” on the Special Friends Ministry facebook page!

Author: Michael Woods, Director of the Special Friends Ministry at First Baptist Orlando

Posted by on January 20, 2012 in Preventing Behaviors and tagged , , , , , , .

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January 10, 2012

Self Control And Children With Special Needs

Meltdown: “a total loss of self-control.”  The meltdown is a common  characteristic of children with ADHD, Asperger Syndrome, or on the autism spectrum and is dreaded by parents when they occur.    There is nothing amusing about them.   Meltdowns often involve every known form of manipulation, anger, and loss of control that a child can muster up to display.   A meltdown is usually very loud, risky at times, frustrating, and exhausting  for both parent and child.  It can be scary.

Recently, I read a great article by Reggie Joiner in the Orange Parents blog about the need for all  children to develop self-control.  Self-control is essential for our children if we want them to grow up and excel in the Christian life and receive honor from the Lord.  It is a parents responsibility to help their child to develop self-control (Prov.22:6), and as Reggie rightly pointed out:

“One of the myths parents buy into is that you can’t teach self-control because it’s a part of how a child’s personality is wired. Most counselors agree that anyone can learn self-control. It’s not easy…it has to be intentionally and continually developed. But just like you would use your skill to build a wall back in places that are broken, you can build more self-control into your home.”

He’s right.  Self-control can be learned.  But what is it about the special way in which a child with autism, Asperger, or ADHD is “wired” that causes them to have meltdowns?  What is is about the way their brain functions that makes learning self-control a bit more of a challenge?  Answer: executive function.   The brains frontal and prefrontal lobes are the primary “home” of executive function.

Executive function can be defined as, “a set of cognitive processes that involve mental control and self-regulation.”   Weak executive functioning skills, according to research, negatively effect a child’s impulse control or ability to stop and think before acting.

In other words, kids with a diagnosis of autism, Asperger, and ADHD often have difficulties learning self-control due to weak executive functioning skills because it’s the way they are “wired.”  Is that an excuse for making poor choices and engaging in meltdowns….no.   However, it does mean that specific strategies may be needed to help your child learn self-control.

There are some effective, research-based strategies, I call them Positive Support Strategies, that you can use to help your child with special needs learn self-control.  A “First-Then” Board is one of many evidence-based Positive Support Strategies.  It’s easy to implement.  Here’s a 13-minute video on the basics of how to use a First-Then Board.

Posted by on January 10, 2012 in Preventing Behaviors and tagged , , , , , , , .

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January 6, 2012

5 Steps To Help Your Child Become More Independent

Kathy, whose teenage son is on the autism spectrum, wanted to help her son feel more in control and live as independently as possible when it came to his activities of daily living such as doing laundry.  Kathy shared with me that her son struggles with remembering the sequence of some of the components of doing laundry.   Her son was becoming agitated because Kathy was always having to say to him, “No  Jon, that’s not what you need to do.”

“Truthfully, it feels like it’s more effortful and takes much longer to do the laundry when I let my son try to help,” said Kathy.  She quickly added, “But I know it’s important for him to feel like a helpful, important part of our family.”

As a father of 3 boys on the autism spectrum I know how Kathy feels.  When I attempt to do laundry with my boys it DOES take longer and I have to be more patient.  However, a part of maintaining a healthy relationship and parenting your child involves you helping to build his/her sense of self-esteem and independence.

Tasks that require sequential processing often constitute an area of weakness in autism.  Therefore, I shared with Kathy a very useful positive support strategy that would help her problem-solve the frustration that her son was feeling.  This positive support strategy is considered best-practice and would help her son correctly sequence the various components of doing laundry.

A visual task sequence can support your child in understanding a sequencing of tasks, reduce frustration, and increase independence.

“Once I understood the step in how to create a visual task sequence,” said Kathy, “It wasn’t all that hard!”  Here are the steps that Kathy implemented in creating a visual task sequence to support her son in doing the laundry independently:

  1. Kathy wrote out the sequential steps that are involved in doing laundry (i.e., sorting clothes by color, placing clothes in washing machine, turning the indicator knob to desired setting, adding detergent, etc.).
  2. Kathy used a digital camera to take a photograph that represented each sequential step that she had written.  For example, she took a picture of herself adding a cupful of detergent and pouring it into the washing machine to help her mother to remember to complete this step.
  3. Kathy then placed each picture that represented a component of doing laundry in the same sequential order that she had written out in Step 1.  The pictures were placed in a row from left to right.
  4. Kathy then placed the pictures on the wall above the washing machine so that the pictures were easy to see when standing in front of the washing machine.
  5. Like any new concept, Kathy then taught her son the purpose of the visual task sequence and how to use it.

Two weeks later Kathy shared with me, “It took several tries for my son to get the idea of referencing the visual task sequence in order to remember the correct steps in doing laundry, but once he got it, it worked like a charm!” “He is so much happier now by being able to help out around the house without me having to watch his every step!”

Kathy’s story ended in success because the positive support strategy that she used was a “good fit” for the problem-solving response that was needed for this particular problem.  If you’d like to learn more about positive support strategies and how you can use them then I invite you to click “subscribe” to the Special Friends Ministry blog so that you can be easily notified every time something new is posted!

Posted by on January 6, 2012 in Preventing Behaviors and tagged , , , , , .

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December 30, 2011

Put Your Oxygen Mask On First

“If the cabin loses pressure during the flight, your oxygen mask will drop down in front of you and you will need to first put your oxygen mask on before assisting someone else,” the airline stewardess pleasantly stated.  I’m certain you’ve heard this before because before takeoff on an airplane the flight attendants always warn adults to put on their own oxygen masks before helping children to do the same!  I think that this is a good metaphor for supporting a child who has special needs.  Why?  Because in order to take good care of your child you also need to take good care of yourself!

You can’t do it on your own. 

Raising a child with special needs is challenging and I firmly believe that you can’t do it on your own.  I can vividly remember those days as a single parent with three boys on the autism spectrum…it was challenging to say the least!  The one thing that helped me get through my day-to-day role as a parent was that I surrounded myself with supportive people.

Due to the number of multi-faceted tasks associated with caring for children with special needs, I discovered along life’s journey that I needed social/emotional support…an oxygen mask…in order to remain mentally healthy, improve my caregiving skills and be able to remain active in my caregiving role. The support services I needed included information, assistance, counseling, respite, home modifications, assistive devices, support groups and family counseling, among others.

Unfortunately, in the “real world” there is little consistency from local agencies as to how these services are delivered, and who delivers them.   Regardless of these challenges you need a team of supportive people who will act as your “oxygen mask:”

A good parent/caregiver support team includes:

  1. Family and Friends - They can provide emotional air and help serve as your extended eyes, hands, and legs to help you get things done.
  2. A general doctor educated about your child’s special needs (i.e., autism, down syndrome, etc.)  - many doctors admittedly are not specifically trained about autism or other special needs.  You want to find someone who understands your child’s needs and someone who is genuinely compassionate.  There’s nothing worse than dealing with a doctor who has no compassion or clue with what you are going through.   Remember, you are your child’s advocate.  You want a capable and caring doctor on your team.  Nothing less.
  3. Local Organizations –  there are a variety of excellent resource organizations (ASGO, UCF CARD, Down Syndrome Foundation of Florida, etc.).    They can provide educational materials, listings of support groups, caregiver resources, including info about after school programs, respite services, grants, and more.  I recommend getting on their mailing list to stay in the loop of ALL their offerings, which can include upcoming conferences, speakers, fundraiser events, and more.
  4. Professional Counselor – sometimes individual counseling for problems and crisis resolution, grief, anger management, depression, divorce recovery, or anxiety is needed.  If so, places like the First Orlando Counseling Center have a great group of mental health professionals who can assist you.
  5. Supportive Faith Community – your heavenly Father did not design you to go at life alone.  A supportive community of faith like First Baptist Orlando can provide the nurture, encouragement, prayer, faith, and fellowship that can serve as your “oxygen mask!”  Our Special Friends Ministry provides your child with special needs a safe, supportive, and structured environment so that parents can attend worship service and be loved, encouraged, and build up their spiritual strength.

I’ve had my fair share of days where being a caregiver felt like a very lonely endeavor.  I’ll bet you know exactly how that feels.  If you do, then I’m here to help you connect with others who know what it’s like to walk in your shoes.  If you need help finding local organizations or a supportive faith community then email me, and together, we’ll find some support!

Posted by on December 30, 2011 in Building Relationships and tagged , , , , .

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December 12, 2011

Be A Friend

My son Joshua is 14-years old and throughout his entire life he’s never been invited to anybody’s birthday party…ever.  He’s never been invited by anybody to go to a movie, swimming, bowling, or to simply hang out and play X-box.   Perhaps it’s because Joshua has a profound developmental disability.

The reality for many children with profound developmental disabilities is that the only significant friendships they have are either with family members or paid staff members.  Life for a child like Joshua can be socially isolating, creating a sense of rejection, low self-esteem, a sense of inferiority, and even a fear of abandonment.  It is not uncommon for children like Joshua to have no friends, in fact, it is often the norm.

What role should “friendship” play in a special needs ministry?

I would advocate that developing friendships with those in our special needs ministry should be a primary focus.  Our essential role as Christ-followers is to express to each child his or her value or worth by entering into a relationship with the child and developing a friendship.   Why?  Because being human is grounded in the friendship that God initiated through Jesus and maintains with us.  By extension, we show others their worth as a human being (and God’s love!) by freely and willingly becoming a friend.

Because “friendship” is an adequate description of our relationship with Jesus…it should also be an adequate description of our relationship with others regardless of the severity of their disability.

As David Pailin, author of “A Gentle Touch” reminds us,

“Worth is not a quality that belongs to a person in themself; it comes from a relationship initiated by our loving Father.  Worth is something that is bestowed on us by being loved, being wanted, being respected, and being cherished.  Worth occurs in relationship!  Worth is not a quality that is inherent in any human being: it is a what is given to us by our Creator by virtue of His desire to enter into a friendship with us.”

In the Body of Christ it is people that matter; to love and care for the people that are there, just as they are.  It is to care for them in such a way that they may grow according to the plan of God, and in return, give “life’ to others.  When we feel loved and appreciated for who we are, when we feel trusted and loved by people, we are nourished in the depths of our hearts.  True friendships within the Body of Christ are the means by which this occurs.

So, are Life Group lessons about Jesus and His death and resurrection essential?  Of course they are!  Is it important for a child to develop an understanding of the routines of his or her community of faith?  Yes!  But let me ask you this:

Is it possible that a child with profound special needs can learn about Jesus in his/her Life Group, learn about the routines of their community of faith and still feel excluded or marginalized within the walls of the church? 

Unfortunately, yes.  Why?  Because nobody took the time to create an authentic friendship with the child.   It is important to establish genuine friendships with those that we serve in our Special Friends Ministry.  Our purpose in doing so is to diminish their sense of being apart from others, to reveal to them their worth, and to be a conduit through which God’s gentle presence and love touches their lives.

Jesus calls His followers to love…to love one another as He loves them.  In the Gospel of John we see that Jesus loves us so much that He calls us His friends!  And if He took the time (and effort for some of us!:) to become our friend, isn’t that what we should be doing for children like Joshua?

Posted by on December 12, 2011 in Belonging and tagged , , , , .

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December 7, 2011

“It’s not how much you do that matters, but how much LOVE you put into the doing.”  Dulcie May Booker

Posted by on December 7, 2011 in Uncategorized.

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